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Don’t Destroy Your Children’s Self-Esteem

By Zara Khalid,

Today the education is becoming the race game. Everyone is standing on the starting line and their talent and intelligence are measured by their ability to reach the finish line. Whoever came first in this race are considered as the most talented person. Parents force their children to take the particular field without consulting what they actually want to do in life. Students are forced to take mainly engineering or medical fields. All parents knit dreams for their kids even before they born. Children are told mostly by their parents, “Your cousin is taking this subject so you have to take the same subject” or “She has opted for the medical field, you must have to opt for the same field”. Parents think that one day their children will appreciate their decision. Parents think if they did not force their children, they would not be having a good career. Many parents think that they are helping their child by doing so, but actually, they are causing harm. This causes the children to abandon the career in which they have a lot of passion for. Not only this, parents treat their children irrespective of their psychological level. On daily basis, kids are scolded for not getting the more or same marks as their other fellows are getting. I know my one student who always does best to score well. It would be no exaggeration to say that she does more hard work than other students in the class but unable to score well. The reason which I found behind it is that the parents do not appreciate their children. They always force them to score the highest in class. They do not understand that the level of every child is different. The parents even compare their one child with other by saying, “look he is too quick, he learns things quickly, and look your sister has scored good marks”. These statements send negative feedback which actually depreciates the child and instead of improving, the child starts to exacerbate his abilities. Parents often believe that if they continuously praise some positive characteristics of another sibling to the child, he will definitely improve but the comparison often does the opposite. One day my student got fewer marks in math’s assessment, she was weeping. When I asked that if she is afraid of teacher for getting low score. She replied, “I am afraid of Mama Baba, they will scold me”. It was quite strange for me. This is the core reason of failure and it tells us why in spite of hard work many students are unable to score like others. Some students never get appreciation from their parents. If a child is not performing well in the academic field but he/she is performing well in co-curricular activities still some parents don’t care to appreciate their kids. According to parents, a good child is one who gets good scores in an academic field, they do not care if their child can perform good enough to become a football player or a good painter or a musician. Sometimes parents think that the child’s goals and passion are impossible to reach. They often try to gear their children to choose more secure and realistic career. They simply defy them to choose something rare which indirectly defy their abilities. This thing degrades their children and causes them to feel unappreciated. Some children have goals and passion for something rare and unique but our society considers it weird. That’s why it becomes difficult for parents to allow them to choose the rare field. Many parents avoid taking any risk which kills the potential of creative and unique thinker. Instead of criticizing, parents should encourage their children. Let your children choose the field according to their passion. Let them be independent; do not make them dependent on you. By telling your children that they must score A’s on every report card can destroy their self-esteem and it can cause serious stress problem.

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